brief autobiography

I come from a poor family, my father, Louis, dear departed, was a carpenter and my mother Lina worked as a laborer in the fields, in the Sermide Small village on the banks of the river Po, where we were born my sister Marisa, the eldest (who passed away several years ago), my brother George second son, (retired, lucky him for several years) and I, and my brother Paul, the youngest, (so to speak since they already 57 years) was born in Bolzano in South Tyrol and works as a carpenter and freelance as a decorator, commonly known as "painter".

My father had to leave the country in 1951, because over there was too much misery and working in the carpenter's shop with my grandfather Diomede, the incom was too small than could not support the family.
Thanks to a relative, he moved to Bolzano getting a job in a construction company as a carpenter and a year later we moved all going to live in a wooden shack in the yard where my father worked, which served as a deposit to the construction firm Eng. Levrini.

It was a small wooden shack and rough that my father repaired before we moved all the better. I remember very well, despite my young age (at the time I was 4 years old), the first night in the cabin instead of the door was a cloth made ​​from jute bags, my brother and I slept in the same cot Giorgio, a facing each other and since I was very young my feet did not come on her pillow but its on my yes, because he was already 11 years old, I had moral sleep with my head looking at the ceiling for the unbearable stench of his feet and next I head “runf runf “ the cat purred. This picture of the situation impressed me so far and I will take it to the grave, when comes my time.

In the wooden shack was born my brother Paul and all we stayed there for 9 years until finally we were given an apartment in public housing on the opposite side of the city, it did not seem real, a nice apartment heated three-bedroom plus living room, kitchen and finally a bathroom with hot water, my sister had a small room but all to himself while we males had a room as large as that of my parents.

Then I remember that my father came home one evening with a TV, of course, in black and white, which was a coin funtioning. We were the first of our scale to have a TV in the evening so the room was full of guests tenants of the same scale, which in turn paid the chips to watch TV, a token lasted 1 hour drive, then the RAI broadcast on a one channel, my mother was not very happy because of the fact all those people who was never stopped on the chairs marked the floor that was in linoleum, and had to give back all morning du wax to remove the signs. Then with the last time you bought all or most of its own television and so were not to disturb, to the delight of my mother who finally did not have to give back the wax every day, she was too clean freak and floors of the room and room were always shiny almost mirror, but I can understand, after many years living in a shack, finally had a whole house to ourselves. My sister and my brother started to work very early contributing to the livelihood of the family and my mother worked in a warehouse of fruit while I went to school, but honestly, I did not have too much passion for research even though I was easy to learn, though of course i studied, often i did not even homework to go out and play with my friends with the result that the next day at school, the prof. I systematically asked: Claudio've done your homework? Of course my answer was NO! So each time get 2 as a “good” vote, while in the oral questions, if I was not the first to be questioned, listening to those before me who answered exactly the questions of the teacher, when it was my turn to me answer pretty well if the prof, make the same questions, but if he make a new I was systematically screwed .

When the nice season began in the spring I often don't go to school and went for a walk for walks in the mountains or wandering in the city. The problem was that the next day I had to take the justification and say that I was at home because was sick, it was a lie to which the Professor did not believe and wanted justification signed by my mother and so I learned to forge the signature, but not always went well and I get days of suspension which affected later in the report on voting behavior that was always not enough.

Moral that my mother has grown weary of my negligence told me: to study not you feel like it? Good, go work! So I started to work at the age of 14 years, as an apprentice in a machine shop at 500 lira a week, as nothing, but it helped me to understand that work is hard and I resumed to studies in the school of apprenticeship and attended evening classes in other electrical and electronics next year, because I desired going to evolve and not always have to be a carpenter mechanic all life, in addition to the electronic theory also followed the practice which consisted of assembling a radio, I liked it and I appasionate to the point that I remember, I was one of the last to finish the radio but the first one worked perfectly once turned on while others have had various problems, satisfied with my success I have not even finished the course to get the diploma, but I continued to study independently with correspondence courses enrolling in school Radioelettra in electronics, which helped me in my profession in the future when I began to go abroad to install automations a bit 'all over the world for a couple of Italian Companies. In the meantime, I got married very soon after my military service at the age of 22 years, then I thought of love when in fact the true love, the one with a capital L know when I was 45 years old.
With my wife went all doing well until 3 years after marriage my first child was born Adalberto after that, because she wanted to become a mother even before we were married forgot to have a husband and our relationship changed completely to the point that when can happen to have some extramarital adventure to satisfy my sexuality has long been neglected by my wife.

At the age of 27 years began to go abroad for work, crowning so my old dream of traveling the world.

As the saying goes: far away from ais and far away from the heart, and even more without the risk of being discovered My adventures "love" more sexual became more and more frequent, because I was a handsome man who had learned how to satisfy a woman and bring her to orgasm before I join her.
It is well known that the man is not like a woman who, after the first orgasm can easily have others to repeat, we all know that a man after orgasm something collapses and is no longer able to meet its partenr if not after a while 'time, a little too hot for the woman who still wants to come again several times, this truth with my wife I never had the pleasure of experiencing, perhaps because, too young I could not control myself, and so most of the time I was coming and she has not. I have known women in their married life they were never able to reach an orgasm because of him, or perhaps her or maybe both, but when thanks to an extra marriage adventure can get here that takes the spring, and after the first betrayal will follow each other and with the consequent separation and divorce of the couple, or are so clever to outwit her husband that his wife is unaware of the change and continue a relationship sloppy, which could be of mutual respect but without strong emotions between them.

As it happened to me when I fell in love like a fool of a woman already married she confess to me who with her husband had never been able to reach an orgasm.

Beautiful woman educated, graduated ad university in Florida before to move in Taiwan, 11 years younger than me, so at the time she was 34 , the age at which a woman reaches its maximum sexuality and the desire to vent their instincts, a woman who make ​​me lose my mind when, after a year of strong passions and meetings in my house, hidden by her husband of course (I was lived in Taiwan ) decided that our relationship had to stopped, and I fell into the deepest despair of those who believed that love also meant possession of one another, all wrong. I spent sleepless nights crying like a child to the point that I was almost on the verge of stop my life. I turned back to fatigue after a certain period thanks to some books of the Dalai Lama that I read in sleepless nights.

Thanks to him I realized that love does not mean having a person but to respect even when it is not corresponded, just trying to understand his motives because there is always a motives when a love finish, or rather when a passion ends while love can continue even if not clearly paid, and turn a passion into a relationship of deep friendship for getting to know better what we are and not for what we thought to be. Closed parenthesis, it was the year 1997, for work I had to go frequently in almost all countries East of Asia, Korea, Japan, Indonesia, Malaysia, Thailand, all the way down to Australia, mainly Melburn and Sidnei, then began to go increasingly in Vietnam where I moved permanently around the year 2000 with the approval of my former lover and partner of Trading company which had opened with Taiwan on the grounds that the Italian Company for which I served in Taiwan asked me to move as a logistical base in Malaysia, which she and I do not even wanted to do (at the time we were in the midst of a deep mutual passion), and then to remain close we founded our own company. A relationship ceased but continuing to be part of our Trading Company I said: you for your own designs, which I respect (she decided to stop having sex because she did not feel right as a wife and mother of his only son) do not want to do sex but I need to have a woman who is not only a friend and collaborator in our business and so I'm going to live in Vietnam, okay, "toad", she said (nickname she gave me I do not know why), and so I moved to Vung Tao in the south of Vietnam, a charming town on the left side of the delta of the Mekong River, which gave the bay on one of the many canals in the delta and baggy on the other side of the sea with a long beach. Connected to the mainland by an isthmus a narrow strip of marshy land rich in mandrovie wet on one side of the sea and brackish water from the fresh water on the other side of the river, where the dry land was the only road linking Vung Tao from Baria to fifteen kilometers more or less, while the city of Vung Tao is located between two hills on a flat dry land just above sea level of several meters. (See photos)

beach on the open sea with fishermen

Bay of Vung Tau on the delta

sunset seen from the bay

In this small town, after several adventures with several girls that lasted a few days and others only for one night, I knew who was later become my partner definitive Nhung, the current woman I live with today.

I started with her around the year 2000, until I was forced to return to Italy, in October 2006.

It happened a year before in 2005 I became very ill for a lungs infection and I had to admit me to a hospital in Saigon, specialized in lungs diseases, I stay in the hospital lasted about a month and after I recovered and asked eradicated the disease be discharged continuing care at home, the primary did not agree but under my insistence gave me to sign a statement which I took all responsibility in case of relapse, and before leaving he wanted me to go to his office to explain the cause of the disease.

So, it was then, that I learned to have taken the HIV - AIDS virus and that my situation was somewhat immune compromised, I fell arms folling down in learning the terrible news, but even more I thought that if I was HIV positive certainly also my partner was, but I could not hide it, when I left the office and went straight to the primary current.

 

It was now seven years after my intercourse with my partener in Taiwan had ceased, but not knowing exactly when I was infected and by whom, and for how reason was plausible, given that almost never took contraceptives before and during my adventures sex (this is a warning to young people who do not say not to have sex but do so with intelligence carefully from possible disease) and do not like me, who foolishly I trusted most of my "good fortune."

Fearing for the health of my partner in Taiwan, placing it immediately telephoned aware of my situation, and asked her to do as soon as the necessary analysis. Fortunately her, after a while, reassured me that she was not infected, I took a deep breath of relief. But she was very angry with me for the lightness that I had relations with women and so I donkey butchers, and rightly so, she asked me what I wanted to do, I told her that after all I had been through enough and that I would not do anything waiting for my end of life.

I spend almost a year and no longer able to work she did send all the months of a transfer of 1000 USD from my account in Taiwan which she did regularly every month, until I arose the suspicion that perhaps the money in my checking account Taiwan could be finished, and so I called she asking, but the money that you send me are always from my account? She said, dear Claudio your account has already been dry for several months, then I realized that the money she sent me came from her pocket and that I could not stand, so I decided to tell my children about my situation and return to Italy. It was now October of 2006 when I returned to Italy, apparently was still good but only apparently, in fact, my children insisted to go to the Policlinico of Modena for the necessary analysis and

treatment begins with antiretrovirals (drugs that are able to decrease the effect of the virus) to the hospital they found that I was already seriously ill, in fact I was left with only 17 CD4 (antibodies) when the mean of a healthy person must have more than 300 CD4 because his immune system is sufficient to counter possible infections . In fact in a little while I started to get sick and physically I could not even control my body functions, urine and feces lost before even reach to the bathroom. Them of the decision of immediate hospitalization in order to do an intensive treatment of antibiotics to eradicate all the opportunistic infections that my body had taked. I was in hospital for over 40 days. Recovered from infection but visibly weak due to the long stay in the hospital I was released on December 15 of the same year. Promising myself that I would do anything by my recovery and return a fully autonomous person can return to work, because I could not bear to be a burden to my children and my two brothers, of them three months I resumed my weight and my strength as a normal person and day after day thanks to drugs antiretrovirals get bak step by step my antibodies to the point that I could stop taking antibiotics to prevent infection.

I restart to work towards the end of March Toggle Next enrolling back to the chamber of commerce as a craftsman and a freelancer. I returned a free man and self-sufficient, until November of 2008 years in here because of the economic crisis, I lost my job.

Falling back into an existential crisis, but inpotente physically healthy as I could not find a shred of work, emptied my dignity as a free man and self-sufficient that it could work but I had to depend on the help of my sons and my two brothers, in the summer of 2009 who is in despair, I decided to life quits, I did an e-mail to my three children, saying that I would leave and I would not be coming home alive, and that if they ever found my body did not want to be buried, but thrown into the sea as a sailor that in his life has traveled around the world, and in a sense, I feel son of the sea (sense) as my movements always heppen on the plane. I waited until after midnight to send the message to my children so that they would read only the next day when I had been away from home.

I took the car and traveling all night I went to the south of Italy and precisely in Gargano, a place that I wanted to see before take end of my life, because I had left a beautiful memory of when many years ago with my family spent a wonderful holiday camping. I had with me just a few money and consequently ate sandwiches and pizzas and slept in the car on a cliff near Peschici Garganico. I was nearly three days on the cliff looking back on my past life and all the mistakes I had made​​, but also brought with me wonderful memories of a life lived almost like a gypsy who can not stay in one place for too long, at the same time I was thinking how I would took my life looking for the best place and how can did it. On the third day I had already decided how and where I would have taken his own life as the afternoon I went to town to buy a rope with which to hang the noose would have done the same night by throwing the dock in the bay was used by fishermen. About ten o'clock in the evening I took the car and go toward the road that led to the cliff, I was stunned by a thousand thinghs and drove like a robot almost unconsciously, when inside me came alive a voice saying to me: Claudio what do you do? Go home, go home, and he kept repeating it louder and louder, when I realized that I had passed a couple of kilometers, about begin of the road leading to the cliff, so that I went back and giving heed to the voice I said to myself, okay I go back home at the same time that I decided that I had crushing weight on my stomach disappeared and armed with new strength taken the long way home. I traveled until dawn when exhausted by fatigue, I stopped to sleep, I was now a few hundred kilometers from home and reached towards noon. The neighbors saw me go out of the car, immediately warned my children and so I had to go with Eros, the youngest commanding the police to notify them that they could stop the research that had already been ramified by fax to all commands in Italy. I went back into the house and lay down on the bed where I fell asleep almost immediately into a deep sleep until the next morning.

Baffled and with heart in hand, the next day I felt that my children were quite annoyed with me and I kept thinking that yes I got home but I did not know if I was right or wrong.

Pass another year before I found a job in China because in Italy it was not possible then and now because of the economic recession that has caused the closure of many small and medium Company businesses and entrepreneurs topped countless suicides by debt and ended up in bankruptcy, their have succeeded where I had failed and I was wondering if I had to do would all be over by now but instead I felt a burden to my children and siblings.

When I left for China, I was not sure to find a job, even though I had made contact with a company in Foshan that she was interested but refrained to give me a guarantee of work before having a meeting. It was now the deadline for eviction to be able to stay in that apartment, because not having a salary had been several months since I paid the rent and the honer came by to give me legal eviction the judge gave her reason and set a time limit after which I had to go to sleep under some bridge. So on the day of expiry of the period I left for China with the ticket that I had purchased with a loan from my brother George, I took a couple of suitcases with some clothing and the rope that I do not used beforet, knowing that if I did not find accommodation and a job I would still not returned to Italy.

After a brief conversation with the manager of the company to which I gave my curriculum vitae and I told the truth about my situation, I secured a job as a project desin office and accommodation in a room above the offices, you can imagine my satisfaction? Finally I had a job and a dignity regained, away from home but I used to live abroad and I would not be weighed, the salary was not comparable with the money I earned before as a craftsman and a freelancer, but enough for me to live. Was 17 July 2010, and immediately I remembered that little voice that told me to go home to which I listened. Luck, divine providence do not know, but today I know that you should never lose hope and especially that no one has the right to take his own life, because our life is not ours, or someone or something had decided that I had to come into the world and only he is the master of my life and when the time decide to terminate this earthly experience, but the body has a beginning and an end, but the soul does not die, it will continue in the spirituality of a size which stands above us and we will be allowed to know only after the death of the body.

Of this I firmly believe without believing in this or that religion. I was born in Italy and I should be Catholic, but I feel closer to Buddhism as a philosophy of life and I believe in reincarnation as further evidence until our consciousness has not reached perfection and our spirit will merge with the eternal light of the cosmos . Perhaps my statements to some of these sound like those of a madman illusionary, but each one of us is free to believe or not to believe in this.

When I left for China, I was not sure to find a job, even though I had made contact with a company in Foshan that she was interested but refrained to give me a guarantee of work before having a meeting. It was now the deadline for eviction to be able to stay in that apartment, because not having a salary had been several months since I paid the rent and the honer came by to give me legal eviction, the judge gave her reason and set a time limit after which I had to go to sleep under some bridge. So on the day of expiry of the period I left for China with the ticket that I had purchased with a loan from my brother George, I took a couple of suitcases with some clothing and the rope that I do not used beforet, knowing that if I did not find accommodation and a job I would still not returned to Italy.

After a brief conversation with the manager of the company to which I gave my curriculum vitae and I told the truth about my situation, I secured a job as a project desin office and accommodation in a room above the offices, you can imagine my satisfaction? Finally I had a job and a dignity regained, away from home but I used to live abroad and I would not be weighed, the salary was not comparable with the money I earned before as a craftsman and a freelancer, but enough for me to live. Was 17 July 2010, and immediately I remembered that little voice that told me to go home to which I listened. Luck, divine providence do not know, but today I know that you should never lose hope and especially that no one has the right to take his own life, because our life is not ours, or someone or something had decided that I had to come into the world and only he is the master of my life and when the time decide to terminate this earthly experience, but the body has a beginning and an end, but the soul does not die, it will continue in the spirituality of a size which stands above us and we will be allowed to know only after the death of the body.

Of this I firmly believe without believing in this or that religion. I was born in Italy and I should be Catholic, but I feel closer to Buddhism as a philosophy of life and I believe in reincarnation as further evidence until our consciousness has not reached perfection and our spirit will merge with the eternal light of the cosmos . Perhaps my statements to some of these sound like those of a madman illusionary, but each one of us is free to believe or not to believe in this theory, (closed parenthesis theological) remained in China until July 2012 after which due to government restrictions to immigrants who do not have a work permit as me, because to get it you must pass a medical examination and so realizing that are HIV positive I was given. With the result that I had to leave China and my work. Not being able to return to Italy because I have nowhere to live and even work I moved here in Vietnam where I live with my partner finally in his restaurant, poor but happy to be together again as before.

Unfortunately, because of my HIV status I have to make a trip to Italy every six months for routine check and for taking the life-saving medicines. And I have to figure out how to get hold of the money for the trip and short stay, I can not always hope that my brother through the account of the mother would cover the expense. If only for this reason. I would live well any way without a penny in a pocket.

Just have a roof and a bed to sleep and there, a couple of meals every day and there are, the climate here is favorable because it is never too hot and never too cold, a pair of shorts, a shirt, and a pair of flip flops is all that I need to get dressed. What I want more, nothing else to live on the side of my partner that I have never betrayed since decided that she was the woman for me I was looking for a long time, no longer strong passions but a mutual love and respect, and then let's face it, even if I wanted I no longer have the age for certain things and I'm happy to live my time peacefully.

Claudio Zapparoli